“Savior, You, You have known me as I am. Oh, Healer, You have known me as I was, as I will be in the morning, in the evening; You have known.” –Audrey Assad “Known”
On the plane from Miami to Denver I watched a movie that really captured my attention. I have no idea what it was called, and though I can’t say that I agree with all the morals presented, the general message touched me deeply. The movie featured a top music star and how her interrupted suicide attempt changed the course of her life. As she jumped off a balcony, the hand of a caring police officer grabbed hers. She was about to let go of his hand and plummet to her death when he yelled the words to her, “I see you!” She reached for him to pull her up and spent the rest of the movie trying to figure out what it meant to truly be “seen” by someone.
How many years had she lived, being everyone’s puppet and being valued for the records she produced and the image she portrayed? Even her own mother was simply her manager and showed no genuine love for her at all. As I continued watching, I realized that so many of us find ourselves in similar places. Our greatest desire in life is to be truly known for who we are and loved for being that person – the reason why we desire so deeply to be in relationships – but often we work so hard at presenting a beautiful image of ourselves that other people would like. Selfie culture, so to speak. At the end of the day, we have so much pain in our hearts because people bought the “image”, but how could they ever love us for who we truly are? How could anyone love me with all my faults, failures, and weaknesses? We believe the lie that we are “too much”. So we give others the concise and easy version of ourselves.
I spent years hating myself and wishing that my life would end. I had a plan to commit suicide, because I believed that the world would be much better off without me in it. I was a problem; a bother. I was too much. In that place of endless darkness, God found me. Change didn’t happen overnight, but He began the process of showing me His powerful love, and it has forever changed the course of my life. He took my hand on that balcony and screamed, “I see you!” And I have spent these years of my life trying to figure out what it means to be truly “seen”.
1 John 4:18 says, “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.” I think back over my life and the greatest struggle has been fear. True story. I have been afraid of everything, and most of all I have been afraid of relationship. There is something inside of me that assumes rejection, but a sliver of hope that I might be wrong.
But you know what? That is not at all what it should be like when we are truly in relationship with God. If we take a moment to read Psalm 139, we will realize that every single corner of our lives is intimately known by God. He put us together! He created all the intricacies of our bodies, emotions, etc…He is not overwhelmed by our flight or our hiding. Verses 11-12a say, “I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night – but even in darkness I cannot hide from You.” As hard as it might be for us to grasp, God knows every single detail of our lives, sees our confusion and struggle, and still loves us extravagantly. “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (John 15:13).” He did that for you! And not only did He die on that cross and rise again to give you life, but He continues to pursue you every day – He won’t let you go! He transformed this stubborn heart of mine; He is truly the God of miracles! No matter the good reasons you have to say, “He could never truly love ME,” I assure you that you are wrong.
In this movie, the musician’s life was totally turned upside down when she realized that someone knew everything about her and accepted her as she was, baggage and all. She was free – free to be honest; free to smile, dance and sing. That has been the key in my life as well! I am free to be blatantly honest; I am free to smile, dance and sing with all my heart because I am truly KNOWN by my Creator and loved by Him. He believes in me! All those things that I used to be so afraid of? When I am in perfect relationship with Him, that fear can’t touch me. He can ask whatever of me, and I will do it – because what overwhelms me now is not my fear, but His love.
People tell me that I have an absolutely amazing life, and I totally agree. My Lover has been writing my story, taking me to places I never dreamed, and giving me opportunities to share His love and hope with others everywhere I go. The possibilities are endless because He is the God of the impossible! I know that whatever I could dream is small in comparison to how He dreams over me, and the fact that I get to talk to Him every single day, I GET TO enjoy being with Him constantly, and live out HIS dreams for me – it sends me over the moon and my spirit dances in the stars. How could I NOT be filled with joy? It’s the ultimate adventure! Everywhere I go! Everything I do! Holy duck farm…it’s amazing.
What would happen if you truly came to life? What would happen if you explored the love that is available to you RIGHT NOW??? As Dr. Seuss says, “Oh the places you’ll go”! Just like we desire to be KNOWN and LOVED for who we truly are (masks aside), so does God! He wants you to know Him! He is all but spilling over with desire for you to come to Him and see Him for who He truly is and experience Him for all He truly is. Turn off the clock; shut down the internet; and shut the door. Make space for Him – go ALL IN. And you will enter the greatest adventure – far more amazing than you could imagine. It’s available to you right now! Do it!