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“All fruitfulness flows from intimacy.” –Heidi Baker

These past few weeks have been very trying times. For a reason that I am not sure about, I have been struggling to sleep and have had very little appetite. My life is in quite the chaotic form right now with getting ready to move internationally, preparing to speak in several churches and fundraise, and ultimately move to a new area of the country and begin a totally new type of job. The fact that I will be in transition for almost an entire year is quite daunting. However, that is not the most daunting thing to me right now.

The greatest challenge I have right now is a challenge given by God Himself – to draw very close to His heart, because the destiny that I am about to step into depends on Him having complete control of my heart and soul. This is the point that He has been bringing me to for the past two and a half years; this is the climax! This is the call to all or nothing with Him. He is taking me from my regular but not adequate time in His presence and is asking me the important question, “How badly do you want the plans that I have for your life? How badly do you want to know me? What is the price that you are willing to pay?”

You see, all fruitfulness flows from intimacy; at least the kind of fruit that lasts. I cannot do the things that God has prepared for me without it.  It is an ever-growing hunger for more; a thirst that gives birth to a greater thirst for Him.  If I’m going to bear fruit, I want to bear fruit that lasts.

So there in lies the battle. Satan has heard the call as well, and is pressing in. While I am spending more time in worship, seeking to pour my heart out to God, He brings to my attention the many lies that I used to believe and some that I often still struggle to not believe. “You are unlovable.” “You are incapable.” “You will fall.” It’s easy to cave to the feelings that I have, instead of clinging to the truth that Scripture declares over my life. It’s easy to buy into the emotion of the moment instead of depending on the love of God that I know has been poured out over my life. It’s easy to see the mountain in front of me and bow down to its immensity and ominous presence, instead of bowing down at the foot of the cross and allowing God to raise me up in His presence, this same God that can throw any mountain standing in front of me into the depths of the sea with a simple word from His mouth.

My friend sent me this quote this morning, and it has impacted me:

“Now let us turn for a moment to the teaching of this Epistle. Following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ Himself, the poor man, the beaten man, the unsuccessful man, may yet say, ‘I have overcome the world.’ What does that mean? Well, it is built upon this – the world, meaning thereby the sum total of outward things, considered as apart from God – the world and God we make to be antagonists to one another. And the world woos me to trust to it, to love it; crowds in upon my eye and shuts out the greater things beyond; absorbs my attention, so that if I let it have its own way I have no leisure to think about anything but itself. And the world conquers me when it succeeds in hindering me from seeing, loving, holding communion with and serving my Father, God.

“On the other hand, I conquer it when I lay my hand upon it and force it to help me to get nearer Him, to get liker Him, to think more often of Him, to do His will more gladly and more constantly. The one victory over the world is to bend it to serve me in the highest things – the attainment of a clearer vision of the Divine nature, the attainment of a deeper love to God Himself, and of a more glad consecration and service to Him. That is the victory – when you can make the world a ladder to lift you to God. That is its right use, that is victory, when all its tempting voices do not draw you away from listening to the Supreme Voice that bids you keep His commandments. When the world comes between you and God as an obscuring screen, it has conquered you. When the world comes between you and God as a transparent medium, you have conquered it. To win victory is to get it beneath your feet and stand upon it, and reach up thereby to God.” –McClaren Expositions

What do I take away from this passage? The lies, the insomnia, the lack of appetite, the anxious thoughts that constantly run inside my head, etc…are what is coming against me, crowding out all that was placed there by God, and calling me to focus my complete attention on themselves. So I have a choice to make. I can either give in and allow myself to be absorbed by all that would tear me down (which would be the easy way) or I can use these enemies as propellers to grow closer to God.

I was listening to a sermon by Bill Johnson yesterday, and he was reflecting on the passage in Hebrews 12 that says these strange words, “for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross…” What joy is there in a cross? There is not joy in the cross, but rather in the resurrection. The joy set before Him was the outcome: the salvation offered to us. Bill Johnson says that if we are looking at a problem and we don’t see joy, then something must be wrong; we must recalculate because some numbers have not been entered correctly. Why? Because problems, battles, and suffering have the unique ability to be propellers toward the heart of God – if we would so choose into it.

So I am facing this mountain that has fear, danger, accusation, and insecurity written all over it. I have a choice: will I be conquered by the greatness of the mountain, or will I climb it and use it as a propeller to grow exponentially closer to God? I now look at what is in front of me, and I see joy. I do not see an easy path; rather, I see a path that leads to death. However, this kind of death – the death to self – is necessary in truly knowing Him. I can’t say to Jesus, “I will follow You wherever You go,” without taking up my cross. It’s not an “if” Jesus asks me to do it; it is a “when” He does, and the time is now. There is not a soul who has grown to know His heart that has not passed through the forest of suffering.

I have considered carefully the cost of saying, “Here am I. Send me.” My choice is clear; my resolution solid. Let’s do this, Jesus. I want to know Your heart. Take my heart by storm. I am all Yours. I am All In.

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Be Still

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“I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for His help. You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray!” –Psalm 77:1-4

Well, that’s a joyful way to start a blog post.

When I read this passage this morning, I realized that someone else understood how I have been feeling. There are some seasons of life that are very difficult to walk through. I am journeying through a season of revelation right now, and although that may seem like a dream season for someone who has not heard from God in a while, it sometimes comes with a level of suffering as well.

I haven’t hardly slept in over a week. I haven’t eaten much in just as long; I have hardly had an appetite. I just feel like my soul is in utter torment, to the point where I feel physical pain. I go before God, and I have no words to express what is happening in my spirit. I shouldn’t feel like this, right? I should have peace, like Jesus had as He slept in the boat as the storm raged on. I should have confidence, like Paul did in the face of so much adversity. Yet, day after day, I feel conquered by fear.

In the middle of the night, after not being able to sleep for a while, I got up to pray. It seemed like all I could do was weep and wail in His presence. I said, “God, what is wrong? What is going on inside of me?” I honestly thought that I was distressed about a certain thing, but God quickly showed me that what has kept me awake at night was not what I thought it was. I have been afraid of my future and terrified of my calling. I have felt so alone and abandoned, and I know with all my heart how desperately I need Him with me to do what He has asked me to do. It’s all so far out of my level of ability, it’s not even funny. I said to Him, “I can’t do this if You don’t go with me. If You aren’t close beside me, I’m absolutely toast.” Then I read Psalm 55:22. “Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.”

As my heart turned to liquid on my face, I said to Him, “I want Your will more than anything. I want Your love more than anything. I will follow You.”

The song Oceans came on my computer, and the words broke me: “You call me out upon the waters; the great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find You in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand. Your grace abounds in deepest waters; Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You’ve never failed and You won’t start now.”

Psalm 56:8-13 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book. My enemies will retreat when I call to You for help. This I know: GOD IS ON MY SIDE! I praise God for what He has promised; yes, I praise the Lord for what He has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me? I will fulfill my vows to You, O God, and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for Your help. For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in Your presence, O God, in Your life-giving light.”

I realized that in some seasons, it is not enough to give Him my fear once or twice. Sometimes it must be a constant trade. Psalm 55:17 says, “Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.” He loves me in my weakness and He holds me in my anguish. It is only when I truly run to Him, not hiding behind the declaration of faith…that I find peace. I can come to Him with my fear; I am desperate for His help. God, if You don’t come with me…I can’t. do. it.

“So I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine.”

My soul will rest.

“Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10a)

Miracle!

Since October I have been having trouble with my two big toes. In November I went to go see a rheumatologist and I was told that I had pulled tendons in both my toes. About 3 weeks ago, however, my left toe became infected and we noticed that my nail was discolored (plus some other gross stuff). We went to the doctor and he initially believed that we could save my toenail, but this past Tuesday he took one look at it and said it had to go. I talked him into waiting three days, as we were headed into our debrief meetings and I couldn’t be off my feet. More than anything, I was terrified and needed time to process. In the midst, I discovered that my other toenail was headed in the same direction. Like, really?

Yesterday my team prayed for my feet, that I would not have to have my toenails removed, but I went into last night really worried. I couldn’t sleep for hours as I tried to work through everything in my mind. Finally, God brought my thoughts around to how good He has been in this whole process and how I might praise Him even in the midst of what to some may seem like nothing, but to me was a big deal. I finally fell asleep as I rested in those thoughts.

This morning, God surprised me as I woke up and literally all fear was gone. I was ready. He showed me how He supernaturally brought peace to my tormented heart. As I walked into the doctor’s office this afternoon to have the procedure done, my stomach was filled with nervousness and I prayed that God would walk with me. To my surprise again, the doctor took one look at my toes and said, “They look better!” Upon further examination, he decided that the infection is improving and that he would not take my toenails today. Could there have been more joy in my heart in that moment? Not possible. God heard and answered the prayers of my team and other friends that were praying that He would heal me.

Although things are still on the mend and not perfect yet, I am praising God that in three days the doctor’s first reaction went from, “We need to take this toenail now” to “It’s better! I won’t take them today!” Also, like God always does, He took care of me emotionally as well. He brought me peace. I am just so thankful for how good He is, and I want to give Him all the glory!

Undone

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“Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours; everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause as I walk from earth into eternity.” –“Hosanna” by Hillsong United

Yesterday I woke up with distress in my heart. As I went into my time with God, I couldn’t focus to save my life. Try as I might, all I could get out were a few short phrases telling my Daddy how much my heart hurt. Then it came like a whisper: “Come away with Me!” The thrill of adventure welled up inside of me as I quickly took a shower and skipped out of my hotel room for a walk.

As I walked with Him, I heard Him whisper once again, “NOW, let me share MY heart with YOU!” For more than an hour He poured into me and left me totally undone. He shared with me the desires of His heart, the plans He has for me, and the deep love He holds in His heart for me. I sat down on the dirty sidewalk and with tears in my eyes I said to Him, “Lord, forgive me for being so consumed with my petty things. I have been missing the great adventure for a blade of grass; the great banquet for a piece of moldy bread. Thank You…thank You…thank You.”

He said to me, “You have been looking for love in all of these places; you have been so focused on you.  Look at ME! I’m the One who is lovely and I love you!” I wanted to stay in that moment forever; I wanted to simply worship Him and dwell on how absolutely amazingly incredible He is. Just a couple hours before that I had been hopelessly crying in the bathroom. Now, my heart is inspired once again by my wondrous Creator.

Don’t miss the great adventure for a blade of grass. Don’t feast on a piece of moldy bread when you could feast at the Master’s table of delights. He says to you today, “You have been so consumed with worries, fears, and dissatisfaction. Look at Me! I’m the One who is lovely and I love you! I have called you to so much more. Come away with Me! ‘Ask Me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come (Jeremiah 33:3).’ The adventure awaits…let’s go!”

Will you be undone in His presence today?

Undying Passion

Prayer for Leaders

This past Saturday we had our official hand-off meeting with our main leaders. We gave them their responsibilities such as youth leader, children’s director, worship leader, etc. and gave over the reigns for all of our Bible Studies. Except for David and I transitioning out of worship team, everything else is being led and directed by leaders. At the end of our hand-off time, the pastors had the leaders make a circle and we as missionaries made a circle around them. Each one of us missionaries had the opportunity to pray over the group, and it was an incredibly emotional and spirit-filled time. The word I received from God to share with them was this: There are fires that never die. That has been my prayer for them, that this fiery passion they have for Christ and His service would never die; that the light would never go out.

I think one of the things I will miss most about Ambato is the worship time. There is a kind of electricity that is generated when everyone begins to sing together, the words of the songs so real they could touch them. Weeks and months ago, many of them did not know Christ, but now they do and their lives are entirely transformed. Their relationship with Him is real. This electricity is the best way I can describe the movement of Holy Spirit’s presence. It’s powerful. Through them and my team, God has taught me how to worship and to fall in love with His presence.

As I speak to our leaders about what it means to have an undying passion for Christ, I feel Him calling me to the same. A month from today our contract ends, and a month from next Monday I will board a plane and begin the next chapter of my life. God has been speaking to me A LOT about my calling in this next phase of life; not Idaho, but rather my time in Nebraska and many other states that He is leading me to. It is not just a filler time, but an opportunity I have to bring His presence with me everywhere I go. More than fundraising, He has been speaking to me about my calling to connect people to Him in worship. The most important thing I can do with my life is lead people to Christ and show them what it means to truly have a relationship with Him.

When I thought about speaking in all these churches and meeting with all these people, I was honestly scared. I was scared until I went to God about it and He gave me a higher purpose than promoting myself or the ministry that I have been a part of the past two and a half years. He said, “These are My services and My churches. I want My people to experience Me. Your job is to point them to Me.” Pressure off. Now all I can do is pray for all the open doors He would give me, because I just want to tell all the people I can about my Jesus.

When I pray about what God would have for me this year, I sense more purpose than I ever have in the past. There is a calling to courageously step out…there is love for people who are hopeless and hurting…there is passion to call the Church to wake up to the movement of Holy Spirit and His transforming presence. Although this year will hold several huge transitions for me, I am excited to dive deeper into Jesus and to take others with me. That is my prayer: that I might know Him more and more and that through that experience, others would know Him more and more too.

I just want Him. I want an undying passion for His presence. I want an undying passion for Holy Spirit’s power. I am praying, “Lord, give me an undying passion for Your heart.”

Kingdom Come

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“God, hold us to that which drew us first, when the Cross was the attraction, and we wanted nothing else.” –Amy Carmichael

This morning I read an amazing testimony that my friend David posted of a man that survived a horrific tunnel collapse accident a few weeks ago. He injured his leg and eyes and in the process of his pain, pulled many other injured and dead people to safety. Several days later, God healed both his eyes and his leg. This man shared his story last night in David’s Bible Study.

David posted this story on a group page we are a part of, and as I read through the comments, many things were going through my mind. A few people attacked my friend’s claim that God healed this man and my friend’s right to even mention God in the post. A couple people, however, brought up the age-old questions of why God would save one and let so many others die…what kind of God is that? And why if God saved one person’s life does He allow so many other horrific things to happen in the world, like trafficking and rape?

Those are huge questions, and I honestly have no idea why God does what He does and does not do what He does not do. I do, however, know that God is good because I know Him. I know that we live in a world where broken people have made choices to hurt others and in turn there are cycles and chains of brokenness. I know that we have an enemy that seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. And I know that we as the Church of Jesus Christ are called to rise up and be His hands and feet to a world that desperately needs hope.

The more I read about heaven, the more I understand that some things do not exist there: pain, suffering, tears, oppression, hunger, trauma, etc. While it sounds like a wonderful thing to look forward to, I have to take note that in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Sounds to me like healing and taking care of broken people is pretty close to our Father’s heart. Sounds to me like a call to action.

My friend Brandon told me yesterday, “As you run toward eternity, the characteristics of eternity will become your reality.” I think of all the ways it would be easy to spend my time, looking at all the evil in the world and criticizing those who do it. Everyone wants to place the blame somewhere. However, my call is simple: love. As I run toward Jesus with all that I am, the reaction of my heart is not hatred or criticism toward anyone. Rather, I see the brokenness in the abuser; I see the trauma in the one who causes it, and I realize that God’s love for people runs much deeper than I, in my humanity, could justify. God hates evil, but He loves people, and for some crazy reason He has lovingly called us to heal the sick, raise the dead, care for the helpless, and mend the broken.

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed with the seriousness of this call. I realized that I desired to do whatever it takes to bring God’s Kingdom to earth, though it may make me uncomfortable, though it may cost me everything, though I may need to lay down the dreams that are so important to me. I’m tired of seeing abuse, hunger, and poverty. I’m tired of hearing about girls who are trafficked. I’m tired of seeing the pain-filled eyes of children in foster care without a loving home. I’m tired of saying that I live in a broken world, and I’m ready to say that I live in one that is healed and whole. I’m tired of hearing stories of shattered hearts and dreams, and I’m ready to tell stories of restoration and hope. It’s time for us to stop pointing fingers at the darkness and light a candle. It’s time for us to pick up our cross and follow Jesus. It’s time for us to rise up and carry our Father’s heart to the world.

Lord, may Your Kingdom come and Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. For Yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever. AMEN

Enjoy this song by Brandon Heath:

On Blessings and Burdens

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“You can’t increase capacity without confrontation.” –Steven Furtick

How many people have we known that say things like, “My kids have a good school, my husband has a good job, and we have a nice house. We are so blessed”? A lot, right?

How many people do we hear say, “I have cancer. I am so blessed”? Not many. Often people talk about their struggles and say “BUT I’m so blessed.” The burden is considered an exception to the blessing instead of the blessing itself.

I wonder if our perspective would change on our circumstances if we understood things from God’s point of view. The truth of the matter is: God’s real blessings are never given to us with the purpose of making us comfortable. They are given to us with the purpose of growing us and making us more like Christ.

I would never have considered my Fibromyalgia a blessing from God, but when I look back on my journey, it has been the single greatest catalyst for growth in my life. It has been the force that has catapulted me closer to God; it has taught me about my weakness and in turn taught me about His strength. I believe that pain was never a part of God’s plan or His desire for His children. However, God is an expert in taking what the devil uses to kill us to ultimately bring out a greater good. He took the cross and turned it into a way of salvation. Why couldn’t He do the same with your circumstance?

Because of this constant battle, God has made me stronger in so many ways. Why would I give thanks to God for chronic pain? Because it has been the challenge in my life that has caused me most to grow. In God’s economy and through His redemptive hand, my Fibromyalgia has ultimately been a blessing.

God has given me a call this year of 2015. It’s more than a goal; it is a Divine challenge. Steven Furtick says, “You can’t increase capacity without confrontation.” God has moved me to confront head-on my Fibromyalgia, and this is the year when we are going to kick it in the face. I am declaring victory over what has been a real enemy in my life, because God has declared it. This is not a passive thing on my part, but a very active thing. I’m declaring war on my illness; what the enemy has tried to use to defeat me will be used for good and as a testimony of God’s power and love. I am confronting the enemy and taking back the land.

I wonder what would happen if you prayed about what God would have you confront this year? I don’t know about you, but I want my capacity for God to use me increased exponentially. I want God to move powerfully in my life, and I don’t want anything standing in the way. More than a sickness, my Fibromyalgia has signified an attitude of defeat in many areas of my life. But no more. I will live in victory in every way, and I pray the same for you as well! May God bless you this new year! May God bring you many blessings, not to make you comfortable, but to challenge you and grow your capacity for Him.

Don’t Be Afraid

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I just counted the number of days we have left in our ministry contract in Ambato, Ecuador and here it is: 36. 36 days. Last night we officially handed over our last Bible Study to a leader and we shared words of gratitude for the last two years and tears as well. Well, everyone else shared tears. I was as tear-less as they come, even though everything inside of me was crying. Emotions don’t often make sense, and I am discovering in this whole good-bye process that they often come at the most inconvenient times.

The only constant I feel is chaos inside. It’s not because anything is wrong; it’s all just a part of the process of walking out of something and into another. Sometimes I walk around and look at everyone else in my house acting normal and think, “Am I the only one dealing with this stuff?”…then a moment happens with someone, the tears (or other random emotions) come, and I realize that a lot more is happening on the inside than any of us can figure out how to express. Part of me hates the fact that this is such a long and drawn-out process, but it couldn’t be any different. This phase of ministry is important as well.

One emotion that I feel consumed by often in this whole process is fear. I am afraid of the final words shared, especially between team members. What if I find out that they thought something totally different about me than I expected? During the two years, I guess I always assumed without stopping to think about how irrational it was, that we would all keep in perfect communication after leaving. However, the truth of the matter is, probably a couple of us will…but it will be different (for better or for worse), like all big life changes do to relationships. I am reminded that on the other side are new treasures to be discovered and enjoyed; however, that doesn’t take away the pain of realizing that I have had such an amazing two-year opportunity to know some of the most incredible people there are. Laying down what has become my “normal” and my “reality” for something that will look suddenly and vastly different is proving to be much more difficult than I expected.

It’s a scary thing to think about going back to the context from which I came. I’m not nearly the same person I was when I left, and I find myself fighting the fear that I will fall back into old character habits that I used to have; that I will become content and comfortable in my relationship with God instead of the passionate person that God has been making me to be. I used to be the fade-into-the-background wallflower that never wanted to stand out, and I recognize in myself the tendency and temptation to do that often. However, God has called me to something different, and I am afraid that I will not have the strength it takes to rise up and be the fiery and passionate girl He has called me to be. Here in Ecuador I am a leader and I am pushed into that role; in the States, I will have a different job description that won’t necessarily put me there naturally. I don’t want to settle for anything.

When I think about this whole fundraising and speaking in churches and groups and meeting with individuals process of four months that I am stepping into when I first go back to the States, I am honestly terrified. I am not afraid at all that God will provide for me financially; I have seen Him work enough miracles that this honestly doesn’t even worry me. I am afraid that I will not have what it takes; I am afraid that I will crumble beneath the pressure; I am afraid that I will come face-to-face with my weakness and inability to give all that is needed of myself to have a successful fundraising process. What if I am standing in front of a crowd that wants to hear a missionary speak, and all they see is a deer in headlights? What if I fall flat on my face at a big meeting? What if I back down when I should have fought? It all comes down to: what if I don’t have what it takes to do all that God is calling me to do?

When I think about Boise and about how much I don’t know how to do my next job, I am afraid. What if I’m not smart enough to figure out the technology? Sometimes when people are explaining technological things to me, my brain goes into white-out mode and I don’t even hear what they are saying. No-doubt it will be hard and a huge learning curve. Voices of times that I have failed in these areas in the past seek to haunt me once again. What if I fail at my responsibilities? What if I’m not good enough?

All of these things flood my mind and try to tear me down. Then I remember that I’m not stepping into these things by myself. This same God who boarded that flight with me to Arequipa, Peru on September 20, 2012; this same God who walked with me through language school and training in Peru and Colombia, down the foreign streets of Ambato, Ecuador and helped me speak to people I didn’t know, into each new Bible Study, onto the stage each Sunday to play on worship team and each time I preached in this foreign language, into each difficult conversation with a wayward disciple, through the fire of team tragedies and change, through a broken heart and a tired spirit…this same God who not only walked with me through all of this but also brought restoration in every way…this same God will board that plane with me back to the States, will walk with me onto each stage and into each individual conversation, will step with me into my new apartment and into my new job and into each new challenge that I don’t even know about yet. This same God who has always been faithful in the past will be forever faithful in the future. I know what you are thinking: that was the longest run-on sentence that you have ever seen. However, I think it’s well-deserved, because we’re talking about a God with the longest track-record of faithfulness; not just in my life, but in all of our lives. And even in our failure and our weakness, He is strong. Even in our greatest disasters, He is glorified. Even in our greatest fears, He is at peace.

I have to stop and realize that if this God who knows everything that is going to happen to me is not worried about my future, what am I so worked up about? He knows exactly when I will fall down, and He knows when He will pick me up. He knows where my strength will fail and where His will begin. He knows exactly when I will not have what it takes, but He’s not concerned, because He knows that He does. Even though my worst fear may take place, He will still be there at the bottom to pick me up, brush me off, and carry me on. To Him there is no surprise; there is no disappointment; there is no, “what the heck, kid?” There is only love. There is only grace. I don’t get it, but I don’t have to get it completely to walk in it. I’m not going to do any of this anywhere near-perfectly, but it takes the pressure off to know that I don’t have to. I just have to be surrendered. I just have to be humble before Him. I just have to…how does that song go…let it go?

He says to me, “Don’t be afraid.” But God, that’s not rational! Did you read the first two-thirds of this blog? “Don’t be afraid.” But God, I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, about ready to tumble off…I don’t even know what sharp rocks there are on the way. “That’s true, but you know what lies at the bottom: Me. Don’t be afraid.”

So I jump. So I focus on His arms that are waiting for me; those arms that have always carried me through; those arms that are so gentle and tender with this broken child. Although I may need to remind myself of this every five minutes through this emotion-filled and prolonged transition time, I will choose to not be afraid. I will choose to trust that He will be there to catch me. I will rest in the arms that have ALWAYS caught me and have never let me go…and they never will.

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