“He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting Him might pass Him by. ‘Abba, Father,’ He cried out, ‘everything is possible for You. Please take this cup of suffering away from Me. Yet I want Your will to be done, not mine.” –Mark 14:35-36
A couple days ago in my prayer time, God posed a hypothetical question to me: “If it would serve Me and My Kingdom best that today you are hit by a truck and are paralyzed for the rest of your life, would you choose into that?”
God, what kind of question is that? TERRIFYING. Who would ever want that for their life? I then realized that I still did not value the Kingdom more than myself. Everything inside of me screamed, “No way!” However, at the same time, my spirit was screaming to God, “Lord, I desperately want to want that.” What would it mean to be able to pray with my whole heart, “Lord, may Your Kingdom come in my life, and may You use my life, whatever the cost”?
I am praying for the humility to say “yes” to whatever. I am praying for the Kingdom vision and passion needed to be so laid-down that this prayer isn’t painful anymore. I desire with my whole heart that I might be so aware of God’s love for myself and for the world that He might slay me and I would still praise Him. I pray that I might be so surrendered to His purposes that there is no hesitation in these difficult questions. Jesus didn’t want to die on a cross any more than I want to be paralyzed for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine the agony of that moment when He begged God to take away that “awful hour.” However, He surrendered Himself to the will of God. May I always do the same.