I don’t know why exactly, but the past two evenings (and some other certain moments) I have struggled with being depressed. I think it is because I have been working toward a certain goal, and with pushing forward I am facing a lot of insecurities that I have held for a long time. I believe it is all rooted in the fact that I am not trusting God as much as I should be.
I really struggled to get up for my prayer time today. I could hear God literally begging me to get up and spend time with Him, but deep inside I was arguing with Him. I am like the stubborn wife who is breaking her husband’s heart. “I want to spend time with you.” “Well, I really don’t.” Gosh, sometimes I can be so insensitive to God.
And yet, He loves me anyway. I get up this morning, and He brings me to some verses in Psalm 18:16-36. The passage talks about how God drew me out of deep waters and rescued me from my enemies that were too powerful for me. He rescued me because He delights in me.
Verse 18:28 says, “You light a lamp for me. The Lord my God lights up my darkness.”
That’s where I have been finding myself often lately – in darkness. That’s where I found myself this morning. However, my God who cares for me so well knows what I need. I need His love. I need to be rescued. I need a light to illuminate my darkness.
Psalm 18:29, 32-35 says: “In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall…God arms me with strength, and He makes my way perfect. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle; He strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given me Your shield of victory. Your right hand supports me; Your help has made me great.”
This passage was a great reminder to me that God is not calling me to do something that He will not train me to do. He is the ultimate expert on all things, and sometimes I forget that. There is no obstacle or wall that I will run into that He can’t help me overcome. He will train me, He will strengthen me, and He will give me victory. However, I need to hold up that shield of victory. It does no good on the ground. And when I cannot stand on my own (because sometimes I just can’t), God’s right hand will hold me up and His help will make me great. I can trust in Him and I can rest in Him.
Thank You, Lord, for caring for me even when I resist You. Thank You for being persistent with this stubborn soul. I know You won’t give up on me. This morning, just let me rest in You. Let me fall into Your arms. Let me depend on You. This morning, You rescued me. This morning, You lit up my darkness. Please fill me now with Your peace.