God has been teaching me a lesson in the last 24 hours that I am not quite sure I have learned yet, but I am trying to. Yesterday was a day full of frustrating work for me. I switched over my blog to another site and was trying to do web design and update everything. I also was learning the system to be able to post things on our church’s blog. That kind of work does not come naturally to me, and at the end of the day, I was simply exhausted. I had worked all day with a half an hour break. My friend sat down with me last night and told me plainly that I need to learn how to rest. I cannot count how many times I have heard that in my life. So I watched a movie, went upstairs, and continued working.
I get up in the middle of the night every day to pray, and when I got up to spend time with God this morning, He sent me right back to bed. I was ticked off, to be completely honest. That time of day with God is my favorite time of day. Why on earth would He tell me to continue sleeping? As I struggled to fall back asleep because I was upset, God repeated a phrase over and over in my mind: “I will give you rest.”
I am the type of person that loves to work. I often only sleep for 4-5 hours every night because I enjoy what I do and the challenge of completing an endless list of tasks. I actually find joy in that. The longer my to-do list is, the happier I am. I also love when the tasks are difficult and require a level of creativity. There is a part of me that loves the stress of getting things done by a certain time and doing them well. As a 40/40, our job is never done. We work hard all day, every day. There is always something more we can do, and the expectations of us from our leaders are very high, and for good reason. We have a difficult and important job. Often I am consumed with a desire to do my job so well that at the end of the day, even if I did a lot, I feel that I did not get enough done and struggle to settle myself down to sleep.
God is teaching me that I need to learn how to rest. I don’t like that. I don’t want to learn how to rest. I don’t know if this is the North American part of me or just my personality, but I want to learn how to work harder, be more productive, be stronger and more effective. However, God doesn’t always teach us what we want to learn. The truth is, God has been teaching me lately that He not only wants me to work hard and show myself as a workman approved by Him, but He also desires that not only my soul but also my body rests in Him. I need to learn how to put down the high expectations that others have of me and that I have of myself and be content in simply enjoying life. Watching a movie is something that is enjoyable to me, but often I am thinking about what else has to be done while I am watching the movie. I am planning my to-do list for when the movie ends. I need to learn to be completely in the moment. I am thankful for my team, that we remind each other of things like this and hold each other to that.
Today we begin another very busy day full of many home visits and things to do in between, but I want to remember this lesson. I want to learn to rest at the end of the day, content that I did my best and all that I could do. Lord, teach me how to rest in You.