Whatever You’re Doing

I made it through all the goodbye parties and get-togethers and the trailer is packed.  My dog and my fish have new homes now, and I am sleeping at my aunt and uncle’s house until I leave in three days.  As I woke up this morning, I started to process the fact that I am really moving to Tennessee.  I am so incredibly excited.  I am scared spitless.  I guess that’s probably normal.

Yesterday while I was driving, I heard the song by Leeland “Whatever You’re Doing.”  I’d heard it before, but I realized how PERFECTLY that song fits my situation right now and is my prayer to God.  Here are the lyrics:

It’s time for healing, time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender…

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly

As I was listening to this song yesterday, I truly believe worship happened.  I have no idea what God is going to do through this step, but I know that it’s bigger than me, larger than life, and heavenly.  I have never been more sure of God leading than I am right now.  He has worked miracles out the entire way.

When this idea first came up, I was in Detroit visiting some family.  God and I had a landmark conversation where He asked me about the dissatisfaction that was in my heart.  I had a restlessness in my heart for many months with my job and where I was living.  I kept trying different doors to try to figure out what God wanted, and I believe it all came down to this conversation.  He asked me what was standing in the way of following His will for my life.  I told Him my age-old answer:  believing that I can’t do it.  I told him of the restlessness I felt and how I believed that I had reached a rut where it was very difficult to rely on Him because I felt I could do everything I was doing on my own power.  I missed the closeness I had with Him when I needed Him for everything.  I missed being a part of something HUGE, where I was using everything that I had been given for the Kingdom.  Life no longer held the hope that I longed for, when I was a part of something bigger than me.  I wanted to be surrounded by people who were on fire for Him and living out everything that I read in the Bible.  I wanted to have the chance to use my gifts to serve Him.  He then asked me if I could do anything with my life right now, knowing that He would bless it what would it be?  I told him that I would move to Nashville, Tennessee and start a Masters Program in business, to learn the logistics of running an organization.  My dream for years has been to run an orphanage in Central Africa, but I know that I did not remotely possess the skills or practical knowledge to do that.  When I told Him this, He responded, “Ok.”

The rest is history.  Everything has worked out perfectly so far in going there, orchestrated as only God could do.  Now I leave in three days.  I never imagined that jumping into the flow of God’s will and Kingdom would be so exciting and fun.  It’s stressful, I’m not going to lie, because I’m fighting my human side of worrying about details that have yet to come clear.  However, it’s hard to wrap my mind around going on an adventure that is imagined and planned by God Almighty.  And I’m getting ready to do that!

My prayer for this preparation part of the journey would be this:  that God would keep my heart attentive and humble and that He would continue to purify any part of me that is contrary to His will or leading.  I pray that every day He would make me more like Himself; that He would help me to love like He loves and see the world as He does.

I was reading the past couple days about some stats that I simply can’t ignore.  At least 1.2 million children are sold in the sex trade right now.  It just blows my mind how we Americans can live day to day concerned about the fact that it’s raining outside and we can’t go swimming while something like this is going on.  I’ve never understood politics in the church, where we are so concerned about the music style being different than our taste when there are atrocities happening all around us.  I was talking to my mom yesterday about the “Emergent Church” argument that has become so prevalent in the Nazarene Church.  Emergent Church, whatever that is…honestly, I don’t care about labels.  Sometimes I am not even sure if I want to label myself a Christian.  I follow Christ and He is my whole life.  I serve Him and Him only.  I don’t serve the church or my own agenda.  If God is Emergent Church, then so am I.

The truth is, our methods of reaching people are not working.  We argue and argue about theology but it is this simple:  For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  I’m sick of sitting in a Sunday School class or a sanctuary talking about it and then going on with my life as normal.  There is an emergency happening all around us.  How on earth can we live like it doesn’t matter?

I’m done with being comfortable.  I’m done with the pointless busy life.  I’m done with church as I’ve always done it.  I’m ready to begin a new chapter in my life where God is supreme and everything that I do centers around that.  I want to be a part of His mission not His problem.  God, whatever You’re doing…though it feels like chaos, I know You’re up to something heavenly.  Let it saturate my life.  Let it be unto me as You have said.  Let’s do it!


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