I’ve been thinking about a lot of things today. I’ve talked to you about a lot of things today. It seems like many times my devotions in the morning talk about what you will teach me that day. I’m not sure that today I was a very good learner, or maybe this lesson will take more than a few hours to learn. I guess I’m kinda confused. I don’t know what to do with this verse: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).”
I guess for me, I just recently discovered that it’s ok to want something. I always thought that wants were bad or evil somehow. But there’s a difference between wants and the desires that David talks about here…and that’s where it gets a lot deeper.
The desires of my heart aren’t like things I would ask for on a Christmas list or even that I would be comfortable or healthy all the time. That’s not the kind of thing that I’m asking for when I pray to You, and You know that. However, I think I need to learn how to pray, because I’m pretty sure that I don’t do it nearly enough or to the degree that you desire from me. I guess I’m still learning what the desire of Your heart is.
I know that You long that everyone would know You, and that the pain and the evil in the world would cease. Someday You will call an end to that, but You’re waiting because You want to give people more time. The ending of pain also means the ending of a choice for so many, and if I could understand in the least bit how deeply You love every single person You have made, I’m sure that I’d be crushed. In light of that, there’s really nothing in my life I desire that compares with eternity. I know that You desire more of me, and that I would come to know You more. You love the times that we spend together, and so do I. Sometimes it seems like eternity would be a blessing because nothing could ever get in between us again.
Every day I’m learning more and more what it means to delight myself in You. I love getting to know You and seeing how You are working in the world. I love coming to understand how much You love me. I love seeing Your fingerprints on the lives of those around me, even those who do not know You. It is the desire of my heart to know You more.
It is also the desire of my heart to love someone for the rest of my life and to be a blessing to them. Sometimes I don’t understand Your timing, but I know that You still have a lot of work to do in me. I really begin to wonder if that desire will ever be fulfilled. It is not so much that I long to be loved; I really want to be a support for someone else. In Your way and in Your time. I’m not quite sure how to “wait” for this. I don’t know how to trust You. Do I have anything that I need to do in the process? Will You help me know?
I know that it is the desire of Your heart that no child would live without parents who love them and raise them well. It is the desire of my heart to give my life to their care. I believe with all my heart that You gave me that desire, and I pray so often that You would allow me the opportunity to do this. In Your time and in Your way. How can I be preparing for this best? Should I get a business degree? Another kind of degree? Work super hard on paying off my loans? Show me what I should be doing now to get ready for the day when You will open the door wide.
I have one more desire in my heart. I long to be a woman of integrity. I want to show Your joy and love to everyone I meet. I want to be defined by Your kindness. I want to be encouraging and uplifting in everything that I say and do, and I want to serve You well with all my heart. I want to be responsible and a hard worker. I want to be gracious, even on the bad days. Will You teach me what it means to be transparent enough that You shine through me? Will You show me how to trust You enough that I can love others that deeply? Will You take away any bitterness, anger, or anything else that is ugly inside of me and truly make me a treasure? God, I want to shine so bright for You. That is the desire of my heart.
This is my prayer. This is what I need You to know. I will love You and serve You always, come what may. I pray that You will work in me to bring You ultimate glory, and help me to be a blessing in the lives of everyone I meet.