Hey, first of all, thanks for following my blog! Some people I know do this, so I thought I would give it a try. Especially these past few weeks, God has really challenged me to dive deeper into falling in love with Him and to be more intentional in spending time with Him. I would love to share some of this journey with you, and feel free to share yours as well and to comment as you desire.
For me, it has been about finding a place that is sacred. I have a restaurant that I go to that is open 24 hours a day. Sometimes I stay for hours and write in my prayer journal and read my Bible. Sometimes I just sit and observe the people around me and talk to the workers. I’m starting to get to know the employees and the things that are going on in their lives. After a while of coming, they started to ask why I was there and I had several opportunities to share what I do when I come.
The thing that I have done most recently that I wasn’t planning on sharing with the general population was I joined eHarmony for a month. Something that I have been struggling with recently is the whole idea of marriage. There’s a big part of me that started to wonder if my ambitions were too “out there.” There was a voice in the back of my head saying, “Chelsea, when are you going to grow up and realize that you are thinking and dreaming unrealistically? The rest of the world has figured out that their dreams have limits. They’ve gotten married, had kids, and found a career. You need to get a grip, grow up, and get with the program.” I had even been told by a couple people this last week that my spirit is great, but they think more realistically. Maybe that’s what started me doubting my sanity.
So then I went through this whole personal battle. A lot of discussions with God and with those I trusted. I guess the biggest question in my heart was, “Will I have to choose between getting married and following the dream that I believe God has placed on my heart?” followed by the question, “Was I just following my idea of God’s calling or was I really following His will?” Hence my joining eHarmony. I was so frustrated on the inside. In some ways, I didn’t know I was that weak to even consider laying down the vision that I had for so long. And I actually did lay it down…at the feet of Jesus.
“Lord, I want YOUR will, not mine. Was I pushing my agenda? Do you really have something else for me?”
It is such a scary thing to give up something that you have envisioned for so long. You feel like a boat that is sailing without direction, so lost. I had to come back to the basics of my life to figure out where I was. In the process of falling in love with God, I had to make sure that it was really Him that I loved and not my idea of Him.
I dove in the Gospels and I asked a lot of questions. I was convicted of many things, but the thing that repeatedly stood out to me was the cost of being a disciple of Christ. God blew me away when He asked me the question, “You can get married to a good man, settle down, have children, and live a nice and quiet life, or you can follow Me where I am leading you and live the dream that I have given you. The road will be hard and will cost you much, but which choice is the greater cost? Would you choose a sacrifice with an eternal reward and daily joy, or a life of quietness and peace? Because if you choose the quiet life, you will live every day with regret and you will wonder what would have happened if you would not have given up so soon.”
So I laid down my dreams and God gave them back to me. He showed me that these desires are truly from Him. He is teaching me how to trust that He’ll provide everything I need to do His will. I think we all have to periodically stop and make sure that we are truly following Him…we can put Him in a box without even realizing it. A good course check is always a beneficial thing. Please join me in this adventure, and I hope that my journey will be an encouragement in your journey as well.
And if you’re wondering about the title of my blog, it’s from the song “All In” by Lifehouse. This is my commitment to God. I’m all in for life!